vogue

fucking amazing video. this makes me realise how mundane everything i do is. i want to be a john waters movie.

probably my favourite thing that i've ever written

those tiny bits of hair
and skin wilt to

dust on the mattress,
dust on the walls;

tonight the ceiling is a fool,
drunk arms everywhere,

it keeps me from the sky.
windows and hearts are open and

you're hanging out of both of them;
legs and curves and

midnight shapes are shadows on the wall
when he's dancing on top of me,

my legs should not be open like this,
tonight his body is not mine.

spider fingers in my hair,
hot thighs and cold palms

all over me. wide eyes like a wild dog
when he stares and pants, teeth gritted,

tobacco breath in my ear.
sharp shock, eyes shut - he doesn't

say anything or stop, just keeps digging
like a lion at its prey, like death, but

i want it.

lurch of regret when i finish,

he's gone.

body heaving and legs shaking,

hands over my eyes,

screaming at

empty hallways -

the clean up. dust still everywhere.

15/04/2008

in spite of everything
which breathes and moves, since Doom
(with white longest hands
neatening each crease)
will smooth entirely our minds

--before leaving my room
i turn, and(stooping
through the morning)kiss
this pillow, dear
where our heads lived and were.

by ee cummings.

besides that, this singer has been the biggest inspiration in my life for five years now:

whats this whole thing about Twitter? i've been aware of it for a while but now the Guardian's harping on it about i'm worried i'm (yet again) behind the online social networking trend, which would needless to say be an utter tragedy.

i'm in salisbury at my father's. i went to this swish new shop that probably wouldn't be that amazing if you were in some cool area of a big city but was pretty startling for salisbury:



tutupanpan.blogspot.com

a few nice vintage clothes and lots of cute antiques (including these SPECTACULAR slippers, and all pretty well priced.

i've had a very nice quiet monday. i woke up, walked around salisbury and talked to some bizarre old lady in mencap, managed to get served for tobacco (you'd be surprised how many newsagents believe you when you offer a forged railcard as a valid form of ID), came home, drove to tesco with dad and got over excited hunting for non-frozen burgers, ate dinner, had a hot bath and read my book (Praxis by fay weldon), then opened a bottle of wine with my father and watched the finale of Thirty Rock. and now i'm typing up the best i have to offer my creative writing teacher so she can put it into some anthology she's making, and contemplating either sleep or something active.

i really wish they didn't shut the cathedral green gates at 23:00, cos it'd be lovely lovely lovely to go for a walk there now, even with potential rapists, etc.



stay monkey by julie ruin, except performed by kathleen hanna's later oufit, le tigre. kathleen hanna's voice is fucking INCREDIBLE.

lol

wtf. basically westboro baptist church (ie. "god hates fags" remember them? c4 made some doc about them) are flying all the way from kansas to picket a play in the mediocre town of basingstoke, my wonderful hometown and where i am typing this right now. crazy days. i should probably be furious and ready to wave my rainbow flag in gay union but more than anything i just find it really bizarre.

i don't know what the relevance of this is, or how relevant anything i say is. i think i scared bronwen last night by drunkenly putting on all her clothes and shouting a lot. i seem to be doing a good job of fucking things up at the moment, and putting on women's clothes and sneering at a camera is an easier way of being a shock than actual attainment and success.

mixtape love letter to myself, valentines 09:

01. joanna newsom - peach, plum, pear
02. joni mitchell - a case of you
03. the capricorns - sunset over malibu
04. the magnetic fields - the way you say goodnight
05. yazoo - only you
06. the magnetic fields - 100,000 fireflies
07. goldfrapp - number 1
08. mirah - dreamboat
09. rilo kiley - give a little love

"why do we keep shrieking/when we mean soft things/we should be whispering all the time"

idea stolen from kittykiller, apologies.

amanda palmer, good senses of humour, and (more) snow

something i fundamentally believe in is that it's absolutely vital to laugh. if you get beaten up, raped, orphaned, whatever, fair enough feel upset, scream; but in my opinion an intrinsic aspect of closure and getting over difficulties is the ability to make jokes, have a sense of humour - because laughing is healthy, and it's easier to communicate thoughts thru laughing than it is thru shouting.

with this in mind i was really excited when i stumbled upon amanda palmer's latest blog. i don't know if anyone's heard of the dresden dolls, but they get a lot of bad press from the Cool Squad, when they really shouldn't - they're a piano/drum angsty outfit from boston. amanda palmer's the lead singer, now branching off onto a solo project. her latest song, Oasis, has been banned by lots of music channels in the UK - the song's about date rape and abortion, but sung about in a humourous way, with a brash, OTT video. i won't say anything else about the backlash to the song because amanda palmer sums it all up in her blog, 'On Abortion, Rape, Art and Humor', and i'll post the video below. it's worth a watch, controversy besides it's still a really good song.



i guess it's similar to the Bikini Kill song 'Carnival' - a really happy, bouncy song about wanting to go to a carnival. however when you listen to the lyrics you realise it's really about drugs, teenage girls giving carnival workers' head to get free rides, etc. but it's not any less of a powerful song for choosing to tackle a heavy subject with a deliberately up-beat music style. i don't know. i just sincerely from my very bones believe in laughter. i'm not saying go and stand around at a funeral telling the victim's mother to cheer the fuck up, i'm just saying that when you can't laugh about something, you're letting the doom and gloom beat you.

in other news, college has been closed the last two days due to the snow, rain, ice, sleet, sludge, in that order. i've stayed up far too late tonight, but i've had an awful day and for some reason this is cheering me up.

a few pictures of the snow and stuff:




i'm not looking forward to college in six hours :/

ABBA - The Winner Takes It All

i might be flogging a dead horse here, but ABBA are still possibly the greatest band since - i don't know - since a long time. ABBA Gold was the first album i ever bought, back in year 3 or something. i always feel slightly sorry for Anni-Frid because she's a bit of a over-permed dog compared to Agnetha, who is absolutely amazing in her performance of this song. i can't really wait until they are all dead, because i'm hungry for an ABBA biopic and i have a feeling the only reason there hasn't yet been one is because stupid old bjorn is holding onto the rights: but just imagine how good it would be. this song (voted Britian's favourite break-up song by Channel 5, apparently, ha) must have been hard for agnetha to sing, cos it's obviously about her breaking up with bjorn. he moved out of their family home on christmas day, 1978. i mean, ouch. the vid's also worth watching for the post-Annie Hall men's tailoring.

anyway, it's snowing and college has been cancelled so i should probably go and enjoy the outside world.