Tuesday, 23 March 2010

life tricks and survival tactics for the small town idiot

1.) think about what you wear and think about why you're wearing it. every time you put on an outfit, remember how many editors, designers, artists, decided you were going to put it on. then take it all off and put on something else.

2.) learn to function in a world where anything you say or do or associate with can be splashed across the internet in seconds. (therefore, don't take naked pictures of yourself. don't say things online which you wouldn't say in person.)

3.) sometimes walking away with superior disdain is the best method of attack.

4.) praise is as much of a form of control as violence/peer pressure. think about regina george in mean girls. be aware of sycophants and disregard 50% of the compliments you receive.

5.) keep a journal. on the backpage of the journal, keep a list of songs that make you feel powerful, happy, alive. listen to at least one of these songs every single day. carry the journal on your person as often as you can. that way, when sudden events happen and you're drunk crying into a tray of soggy chips with blood down your face, you'll know which song to sing to make yourself feel better.

6.) lady gaga exists. therefore you should too.

7.) sometimes it's nice to turn off your phone, stay in and get drunk on your own. this may end in you getting really upset about (relatively) trivial problems and listening to celine dion. this does not make you an alcoholic. this is sometimes unavoidable and often enjoyable. as long as you still wash your hair most days and leave the house, you're still doing ok.

8.) knowing and understanding our weaknesses makes us strong. therefore don't ignore your flaws: embrace them, manage them. if you've got a habit or an attitude that's wrecking your personal life - look at it, acknowledge it, and move on.

9.) keep moving. keep going. continue.

10.) bitter single people can be as insufferable as in-your-face happy couples.

11.) to quote regina spektor: "you laugh until you cry; you cry until you laugh." take every negative emotion you feel with a pinch of salt: likewise, throw yourself full-heartedly into any positive mood that catches you.

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