"despite my circus tricks" procrastination: revised from old diary scrawl

despite my circus tricks,
contortions, rituals,
my omens and magic spells,
the reinventions (husband,
shaman, harlot, ghoul)

you would rather think of
me as spotless, clean,
patient; an altogether
better creature, a passive
life form, pristine,

devoid of priorities,
devoid of blood, guts,
bowels, bones. a eunuch,
bent over, in prayer in
one way or the other,

yet if i were flawless,
i'd also be bound; i
wouldn't shout, shriek,
fear that you'd made me
a pedestal, a dinosaur,

so break the shackles
with the butcher's saw,
and let my pulp heart go,
for it beats far better
unfettered, alone -

Wolf By Night

I was once of
The precious ones,
But monsters came,
To steal my songs.

They tore my clothes,
They cut my hair,
And insects crawled
From everywhere.

I grew sharp fangs,
I knew no fright;
Yes, I became
A wolf by night.

Against the rain,
My ribcage chimed.
The monsters snarled,
But they were mine.

Beneath streetlights
My eyes shone wild,
I turned untamed,
And learnt to smile.

So take my words,
For they are true:
To survive, become
A monster too.